Monday, 13 July 2015

Steve fucking McClaren bans Newcastle bloody United players from fucking swearing

Newcastle fucking United boss Steve 'knobhead' McClaren has banned his players from fucking swearing.

The former bollocks England coach, who was appointed at St James' Park on 10 June, had a similar twattish policy at his previous club Derby fucking County.
His bitch assistant Paul Simpson - who worked alongside arsehole McClaren at Derby - explained earlier this year that the policy was about maintaining fucking discipline.
"If you're ranting and raving and swearing, you haven't got control," Simpson fucking said in February.
"We say you are fucking losing it so you may as well come and sit in the pissing dugout."

Friday, 10 July 2015

Hulk attempts to recreate 'Thrift Shop'

Zenit St Petersburg, comic book and Brazil superstar Hulk appears to be trying to recreate the Macklemore Ryan Lewis hit 'Thrift Shop'.

Taken from a 'behind the scenes' photo from the Zenit St Petersburg twitter account, Hulk can be seen sporting an exotic fur coat and matching hat. Reminiscent of Macklemore in the 2013 hit 'Thrift Shop'.

The video doesn't seem to explain as to why Hulk is sporting such an elaborate coat, apart from the fact that it is for a Russian TV advert. It could just be the fact that he is still adapting to the Russian climate in comparison to his former residences in Brazil and Portugal.

Hulk isn't the only one to become a fashionista since moving to Zenit, with new manager Andres Villas Boas also sporting some dapper attire in a bizarre photo-shoot for the club...

Thursday, 25 June 2015

Club Deportivo Morón and other teams with great names

Instead of your generic Town or City names, possibly with United or Athletic thrown on at the end, some football clubs around the World have some more impressive names...

Club dep moron crest.png
Club Deportivo Morón, Argentina
Admittedly, this is a club based in the City of Morón, Buenos Aires, so this clubs inclusion is more due to Argentina having better city names than those in the UK. Not quite sure how you'd tell people outside of Argentina that you've just signed for a club with the name moron in it though. 

Hallelujah FC, South Korea
Sadly this club was dissolved in 1998 due to a financial crisis in Asia. In 1983 the club won the inaugural Korea Super League and was originally consisted of Christian players and coaches. I imagine the chants at the game would have been magical.

The Strongest, Bolivia 
altThe alpha male of club names. Every week one unfortunate team in Bolivia has to say that they are playing 'The Strongest in the league'. The club is the oldest active football club in Bolivia and the only team to have played continuously in the country's top Division for longer than a century. In 1930 they became the only team ever to win the Bolivian league without conceding a goal, so clearly their defence was the strongest... 

Mysterious Dwarfs, Ghana
Ebusua Dwarfs logo.pngOr their full name: Essienimpong Cape-Coast Mysterious Dwarfs Ebusua Dwarfs, were founded in 1939 and are a current member of the Ghana Premier League. 

Weston Workers Bears FC, Australia
Logo.An Australian semi-professional 'soccer' team. Their club colours are black and white after a geordie called Bill Hindmarsh joined the club in 1909 and was hugely popular. Their logo appears to be two bears fighting. What more do you need?

Club Destroyers, Bolivia
logoAnother aggressive sounding club from Bolivia. A Santa Cruz based club who currently play in a 3rd division regional league. So clearly out of the alpha team names The Strongest are the strongest.

FL Fart, Norway
FL Fart.gifAn unfortunate name, and possibly an even more unfortunate stadium, named Fartbana. Founded in 1917, dissolved in 1926 but then refounded in 1934. Apparently the teams name means "the football team speed". But i'm not convinced.

Friday, 15 May 2015

This is Zlatan Ibrahimović

I have just finished reading 'I am Zlatan'. I recommend every football fan reads it. So much so that I am going to dedicate an entire post to the man.

Firstly, here are a few interesting things from his autobiography for those of you too lazy to read:
  • It takes until the 2nd page for Ibra to say 'I am awesome'
  • When he was in his youth, Zlatan used to steal bikes, a lot
  • He once threw an egg at a prostitute, and hit her in the head
  • He doesn't like Pep Guardiola
  • He does like Capello and Mourinho 
  • When Patrick Vieira joined Inter Milan, the 1st thing Zlatan said to him in training was "give me the fucking ball!"
  • He had a training ground fight witOguchi Onyewu - 'Onyewu resembled a heavyweight boxer. He was nearly 6ft 5in and weighed over 15 stone, but he couldn't handle me'
  • After winning Serie A with AC Milan he kicked Antonio Cassano in the head to celebrate
The list could go on...

Until recently, Ibrahimović has often been seen as over rated in the UK, I think the stats speak for themselves:
Games: 643
Goals: 326
Titles: 20 (although two were revoked in the Juve match fixing scandal)

The man has a combined transfer value of £150m
He has scored for 6 different clubs in the Champions League, a record
He has scored in El Clasico and the Milan derby (for both Inter and AC)
He has won the league title in Holland, Italy, Spain and France
He has been voted the Swedish footballer of the year (Guldbollen) 8 out of the last 9 years

Ibrahimović must be one of the very few footballers that has YouTube compilations purely dedicated to back heeled goals. Including this, which was scored in the final game of the season to clinch the golden boot (known as the Capocannoniere in Italy), out scoring Diego Milito and Marco Di Vaio. Smooth operator. 

He is also probably the only footballer to have their name in the dictionary, with 'zlatanera', meaning 'to dominate' being added to the Swedish dictionary in 2012.

He isn't just taking over the dictionary in Sweden, he is also taking over the postal service. With a Zlatan stamp to be released in Sweden on 27th March 2014. This is what he had to say on the matter "I get a lot of bills and there are rarely great stamps. Maybe that will change now!". Modest as always.
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Not only does the man have vocabulary, stamps and titles in his locker. He also has a great array of facial expressions

'The many faces of Zlatan'

But don't be too intimidated by the great Swede, he is human...

Zlat's all folks!

Friday, 3 April 2015

Lilian Thuram chosen as the face of Google Glass

Lilian Thuram is going to be the face of Google Glass, it has been announced.

Thuram has been chosen as he is a 'natural born winner', having won 12 honours with club and country, as well as looking pretty stylish whilst sporting the high tech specs.

Thuram was given a demonstration of what Google Glass can do, it is reported that he looked himself up on Wikipedia and watched highlights of the 1998 World Cup.
"Damn, I was good."
Expect to see a lot more of Lilian Thuram looking very smart and sophisticated in Google Glasses as they come closer to being released.

Tackling Sport managed to get an exclusive quote from Mr Thuram after he tested the glasses and we can confirm he thinks that they are 'trés bon!'.

Saturday, 26 April 2014

"Don't Pjanic, I've got this"

In the Serie A Friday night fixture between Roma and AC Milan, the deadlock was broken by a magnificent solo dribble by Miralem Pjanic as the AC Milan defenders allowed him to go past almost all of them with what looked like significant ease...

For a league stereotypically known for its defending, it did appear to be a series of weak challenges, as well as good dribbling by the Bosnian. The game finished 2-0 to Roma with former Premier League joke Gervinho getting the 2nd, and his 9th of the season. Yes, his ninth goal (and ten assists)!

Roma are still chasing Juventus for the Serie A title. Currently 5 points behind the leaders, although Juve have a game in hand against relegation threatened Sassuolo on Monday.

Here are some other Miralem magic moments

Probably one to keep your eye on during the World Cup...

Tuesday, 4 March 2014

Wembley set for biggest fight since Millwall FA Cup semi final

It has been announced that Karl Froch and Geeorge Groves will have their long awaited rematch at Wembley Stadium.

The super-middlewight bout will take place on the 31st May, but it won't be the first big fight to take place at the national football stadium.

In April last year, at the FA Cup semi-final between Millwall and Wigan, ugly scenes broke out as Millwall fans decided to attack... other Millwall fans. The fighting resulted in numerous arrests, bleeding faces, a crying girl and one cheeky chap stealing a policeman's hat.
Froch and Groves will be looking to claim the title of 'best fight at new Wembley', and I think they might just get it.

Monday, 3 March 2014

Children of Hoffenheim traumatized as mascot loses head

The Bundesliga, the hipsters choice when it comes to football leagues. It has the European Champions, Pep Guardiola, standing terraces, cheap tickets and a wealth of exciting, young, homegrown talent. But it is not a safe place for children...

During Hoffenheim's 6-1 demolition of Wolfsburg last weekend, as they scored to go 4-1 up, the celebrations got a little too out of hand. The Hoffenheim mascot, cleverly name Hoffi, ran over to the players to revel in their success.

But the big moose was a little bit too eager in joining in and managed to tumble over an advertisment whilst racing towards the players. As the mighty moose made impact with the floor, disaster struck, the head of the mascot rolled off, revealing the true identity of Hoffi the moose.

In an instant, thousands of children were mentally scarred. Never again would they look adoringly at Hoffi the moose in the same way again. Some parents tried to shield their children's glaze from the horrific incident. It was too late.

Roberto Firmino was first to the scene to reattach the head of the moose. But the damage had been done. No one would forget what they saw that day. The victory had been tainted.